Aanchal Narang on Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment and Dissociation
When Your Body Stays but Your Mind Leaves the Room
Dissociation during sex is one of those experiences people rarely talk about but secretly carry.
It’s confusing, frightening, emotionally numbing and deeply misunderstood.
For many survivors, feeling detached from your body during sex isn’t a choice. It’s an involuntary trauma response that kicks in when your nervous system senses danger, even if the present moment seems safe.
This isn’t “low interest.”
This isn’t being “dramatic.”
This is your body protecting you.
Sexual violence is a global problem, although the available data is far from equally comprehensive across all genders. A systematic review of international research found substantial prevalence estimates among women, men and LGBT samples, while also highlighting major gaps and inconsistencies in how sexual assault is measured across populations. Meanwhile, WHO’s latest estimates show that nearly 1 in 3 women globally, around 840 million people, have experienced partner or sexual violence in their lifetime.
For some people who have experienced sexual assault or sexual harassment, Aanchal Narang explains that dissociation can continue to appear long after the original experience has ended, including during moments of intimacy that are consciously wanted and consensual.
What Is Dissociation?
Dissociation is the mind’s emergency escape hatch.
It’s a feeling of disconnect from your thoughts, emotions, memories, sense of self, or physical surroundings. It can happen in pieces or all at once.
You dissociate when your body identifies danger but you cannot physically escape, so your mind shields you by creating emotional distance.
An everyday example?
Someone catcalls you. You can repeat what they said, but you feel nothing.
That’s your mind buffering you from distress.
But in the context of trauma, especially prolonged childhood sexual, physical, or emotional abuse; dissociation becomes more frequent, more automatic, and more deeply wired.
Because when the harm is repeated and inescapable, dissociation becomes the brain’s way of saying:
“If I can’t leave the situation, I’ll leave the experience.”
This survival skill often follows people into adulthood and into intimate relationships, quietly mediating between sexuality and pain.
Why Do We Dissociate?
Dissociation isn’t your mind malfunctioning. It’s your mind being brilliant under threat.
It can appear when:
- an experience is too painful to handle
- a trigger reminds your body of past danger
- you recall traumatic memories but feel nothing
- your nervous system flips into survival mode
It often shows up as:
- gaps in memory
- feeling unreal
- inconsistent or blunted emotional responses
- a sense of floating or observing yourself from outside
It’s a protective strategy your body learned before you even had language.
Do You Dissociate During Sex?
(You Can Want Sex and Still Dissociate!)
People often assume dissociation is dramatic or obvious. In reality, it can be subtle, quiet, and easy to overlook — especially during sex.
You may be dissociating if:
- you struggle to orgasm despite physical stimulation
- you “check out,” zone out, or mentally drift away
- you feel like you’re watching the moment from outside your body
- you don’t remember parts of the sexual experience
- you feel numb, blank, or emotionally absent
- you perform rather than participate
- your body is present, but you are not
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone and you’re not broken.
How Do You Cope With Dissociation During Sex?
Here are steps that genuinely help:
1. Communicate With Your Partner
Tell them this is something you experience. Let them know when it happens.
Transparency builds safety.
2. Safety First
Discuss boundaries, triggers, and preferred intimacy styles. And always agree on a safeword.
3. Ground Yourself
Bring yourself back through:
- focusing on textures
- slow breathing
- keeping your eyes open
- connecting to your surroundings
- reminding yourself: I am safe right now.
Grounding shifts your body out of survival mode.
4. If You’re the Partner
DON’T yank them back. DON’T shake them or panic.
Pause. Slow down. Make space.
Let them come back at their own pace.
A gentle, steady presence is more grounding than any technique.
Why You Need Trauma-Informed Therapy
Here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud: Coping only gets you so far. Dissociation is a trauma response and deep healing requires trauma-trained therapeutic support.
As Aanchal Narang — Founder & Head Therapist at Another Light Counselling — often tells survivors:
“Your body isn’t malfunctioning. It’s remembering.”
Aanchal is known across India for her trauma-specialized work, including EMDR, somatic therapy, attachment repair, queer-affirmative practice, and sexual trauma recovery.
Her approach is warm, deeply informed, and unapologetically real; creating a space where clients can talk about sex, dissociation, pleasure, pain, and identity without shame.
If you’re ready to begin that journey:
- Another Light Counselling Website: https://www.another-light.com
- Book a Session on WhatsApp: https://wa.me/918879260310
